A GERMAN CONDOM COMPANY CAME OUT WITH A NEW AD CAMPAIGN FEATURING . . . HITLER AND OSAMA BIN LADEN???

Germans are good at all sorts of things . . . like engineering, techno and trying to take over the world. (???) But humor is NOT one of their strong suits. Here's a case in point . . .

--A German condom company, called Grey Condoms, has just come out with a new ad campaign which features cartoon versions of a man's swimmers . . . that resemble ADOLF HITLER, OSAMA BIN LADEN and MAO ZEDONG.

--And the caption reads, quote, "Better wrap it up . . . unless you want to bring EVIL into the world." 



(--Yeah, I don't get it either. But the ads are at least fairly entertaining--)

SEXTING COULD SOON BE LEGAL FOR TEENS IN VERMONT:

Here's your Question of the Day . . .

--If a 40-year-old man is caught with a picture of a naked 15-year-old . . . then, clearly, he should be charged with possession of child pornography.

--But what if a 15-year-old boy is caught with a naked picture of his 15-year-old girlfriend . . . that SHE sent to him? Should he be charged with possession of child pornography too? Should she?

--I'm asking because . . . for the most part . . . that's what's been happening when kids get caught "sexting" . . . which is what it's called when teens send naked pictures of themselves over text message or email.

--But now lawmakers in Vermont think they've come up with a solution to the sexting problem. So what is it?

--To make it LEGAL for teens between the ages of 13 and 18 to exchange naked pictures of themselves . . . so long as both are consenting, and they don't pass the pictures along to anyone else.

--One supporter of the bill is a Democratic state senator named Richard Sears (--yes, DICK SEARS is his real name). He says, quote:

--"This isn't an issue of whether [sexting] is a good thing or a bad thing. I think it's wrong. But the question is: Do we want kids to be prosecuted [and] called sex offenders for consensual conduct? No."

 (Burlington Free Press)

YOU'RE MORE LIKELY TO GET AN STD IF YOU DO IT WITH SOMEONE FIVE YEARS OLDER OR YOUNGER: (???)

Wouldn't it be great if there was a way to tell if someone had an STD . . . before you slept with them?

--Well, according to a new study from the University of Florida, there actually ARE certain risk factors in a partner . . . which INCREASE your chances of getting an STD.

--So what are they?

#1.) They've had an STD in the past.

#2.) They've recently had sex with someone else.

#3.) They did time in prison.

#4.) They have a problem with drugs or alcohol.

#5.) They're either five years older or younger than you. (???)

--And get this . . . according to the study, you're MORE likely to get an STD if you hook up with someone who has ALL the risk factors . . . meaning a sexually active ex-con addict who's out of your own age group . . . than if you don't wear a condom. 

(Register)

COLORADO WON'T LET A VEGETARIAN GET A LICENSE PLATE THAT READS "I-LV-TOFU" . . . BECAUSE THEY SAY IT'S OBSCENE???

Recently, a woman named Kelley Coffman-Lee of Centennial, Colorado (--just south of Denver), ordered a personalized license plate from the DMV reading "ILVTOFU".

--Kelley's a vegetarian, and she says she meant the license plate to read "I-LV-TOFU", meaning "I love tofu". But the DMV denied her request . . . because they say it's OBSCENE. How so?

--Basically, the DMV interpreted Kelley's plate to mean something much dirtier than what she actually intended, as in . . . "I-LV-TO-F-U", or "I love to (eff) you".

--Kelley says, quote, "I love tofu. It doesn't mean anything bad. I'm very expressive. I'm anti-fur, anti-rodeo, anti-circus when they come to Denver, and I thought, 'Here's a chance to be positive and say I love something.'

--"Tofu is a word. I haven't said anything bad. I think it's crazy they denied it. It's not a dirty, evil food. It's very wholesome." 

--Be that as it may, the Colorado DMV has a strict policy prohibiting the letter combination "F-U" on all license plates.

--According to a spokesman for the Colorado DMV, quote, "We have nothing bad to say about [Kelley's] love of tofu. We're concerned about others who may misread the plate."

(KMGH News 7 - Denver)

ALMOST HALF OF ALL MEN APPRECIATE A SEXUALLY-CHARGED COMMENT AT THE OFFICE . . . BUT ONLY ONE IN TEN WOMEN DO:

Our increasingly P.C. society has drilled it into our heads that any kind of SEX TALK at work . . . is completely inappropriate. But some people still don't get it. And this may come as a shock . . . but those people are men.

--Researchers from the University of Toronto have found that an occasional sexually-charged joke or comment among co-workers could actually be considered a GOOD thing . . . by men.

--According to the study, HALF of all workers say they're not offended by sexual banter in the office . . . and ONE in FOUR say they find it, quote, "fun [and] flattering."

--But here's why: 46% of men say they appreciate a sexually-charged joke or comment around the office . . . but just ONE in TEN women do.

--And 70% of women say it's always inappropriate to make sexual comments about another co-worker . . . although ONE in 20 women say they actually LIKE it when male co-workers make sexual comments about them.

--A woman named Jennifer Berndahl led the study. She says, quote, "Previous studies have only looked at the negatives of any behavior related to sex in the workplace. [We] looked at the possibility of finding positives. And we did find some . . .

--"What this study shows is that it is going overboard to say that all sexual behavior is sexual harassment, because it is not experienced by a lot of people as harassment."

 (Globe and Mail)

WATCH BILLY BOB THORNTON BE A COMPLETE JACKASS DURING AN INTERVIEW: 

You may not have known this, but BILLY BOB THORNTON is trying to make things happen with his new band, THE BOXMASTERS. And he's serious about it. WAY TOO SERIOUS.

--Billy Bob and the rest of his band were on some Canadian radio show yesterday . . . and Billy Bob acted like a TOTAL JACKASS . . . all because the host mentioned that Billy Bob was an actor, director and screenwriter during his intro. 

--Seriously . . . Billy Bob refused to answer most of the guy's questions . . . or answered with complete GIBBERISH . . . because the show's producer had been instructed beforehand not to treat Billy Bob as anything but a musician.

--The interview really got bizarre when the host asked Billy Bob about his musical influences . . . and Billy Bob launched into a story about how he read "Famous Monsters of Filmland" magazine as a kid . . .

--. . . and how he once entered some kind of build-your-own-monster contest the magazine was running, but didn't win. 

--At that point, the host . . . who was STRUGGLING to get something going . . . made the mistake of saying that Billy Bob is, quote, "passionate about music."

--Billy Bob shot back, quote, "Would you say that about TOM PETTY? . . . Would you explain why it's not a hobby?"

--In other words, Billy Bob was upset because he felt he was being treated like an actor who's dabbling in music, rather than a TRUE MUSICIAN. He then informed the host, quote, "You were instructed not to talk about (crap) like that."

--The host tried to explain that he was just giving CONTEXT in his set-up . . . and that listeners would have found it strange if he DIDN'T mention Billy Bob's previous work. 

--But Billy Bob was undeterred. He said, quote, "We said to not talk about (crap) like that, and we also said that we didn't want to hear anything about how this is my first love. You wouldn't say THAT to Tom Petty, would you?

--"'I understand music is your first love.' Well my first love was a chick named Lisa Cohn. You know what I mean?" 

No need to explain further...here's the vid...

MORE THAN ONE IN FOUR WOMEN WOULD GET TURNED ON IF THEY WALKED IN ON THEIR MAN . . . MOLESTING HIMSELF TO PORNO:

It's no secret that MEN are total sex fiends. But it turns out the average WOMAN is probably a little more sexually deviant than she lets on. Observe . . .

--According to a recent survey in the UK, 88% of men admit they watch pornography . . . and ONE in FOUR say they do it every day.

--But TWO in THREE women also admit they watch pornography . . . and 6% do it every day.

--And it's not just single people who love watching smut, because 76% of men and 87% of women who watch porno . . . are in a relationship.

--Overall, 46% of men say it would be a turn-on if they walked in on their girl watching porno . . . while 11% would be upset she was having fun without them.

--Meanwhile, ONE in THREE (--33%) women would get upset if they walked in on their guy molesting himself to smut . . . while just over ONE in FOUR (--26%) would actually get AROUSED.

(Sun)

YOU CAN MAKE A GREAT HOMEMADE FLAMETHROWER USING AXE BODY SPRAY (IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, JUST ASK YOUR TEEN SON)

Let's face it . . . teen boys are idiots, and anything that CAN be made into a weapon probably WILL be made into a weapon . . . if a 15-year-old boy has a say in the matter.

--So it should come as no surprise that some teens have started igniting Axe Body Spray . . . in order to create HOMEMADE FLAMETHROWERS. 

(Lyndell Toppin)
A GUY STABBED HIS FIANCÉE . . . BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T MAKE HIS MEATBALL SUB CORRECTLY: 

And here it is . . . the DUMBEST thing you'll hear all week (--or at least we've got our fingers crossed on that one) . . .

--Last week, 50-year-old Lyndel Toppin of Upper Darby, Pennsylvania (--a western suburb of Philadelphia), got upset with his unidentified 44-year-old fiancée . . . when she incorrectly made his MEATBALL SUB. 

--So Lyndel grabbed a knife and slashed his fiancée . . . giving her a cut on the finger that required 23 stitches. Then he BIT her on the wrist.

--Now maybe you're wondering what was SO WRONG with the sandwich.
--According to the police report, Lyndel, quote, "became enraged due to the victim not placing cheese on his hoagie roll correctly . . . That was the catalyst."

--That's right . . . Lyndel attacked his fiancée and nearly chopped off her finger . . . because she put the cheese in the wrong place on the bun.

--Lyndel was arrested and charged with aggravated and simple assault, reckless endangerment, possessing an instrument of crime and harassment. If he's convicted, Lyndel's looking at more than 20 years in prison.

 (Philadelphia Daily News)

A FORMER MISS MARYLAND WAS ARRESTED FOR DEALING COCAINE:

In 2004, a hot 24-year-old named Tia Shorts won the title of Miss Maryland USA. But it seems that in the five years since her beauty pageant win . . . Tia's life has really taken a turn for the worse. Why?

--Because last week, police in Germantown, Maryland (--about 25 miles northwest of Washington, D.C.), raided the apartment Tia shares with her boyfriend . . . a guy named Joey King . . . and seized cocaine, marijuana, large amounts of cash and a gun.

--Tia was arrested on conspiracy to possess and distribute cocaine, possession of cocaine and possession of marijuana. She's been released on $10,000 bond.

--According to a spokeswoman for the Miss Maryland USA pageant, quote, "It's sad to hear the news for [Tia]. It troubles me and I am saddened to hear that. She's always been a very lovely lady."

(My Fox - D.C.)

THERE'S A PRODUCT WHICH ALLOWS YOU TO MONITOR YOUR TEEN'S DRIVING SPEED . . . EVEN IF YOU AREN'T IN THE CAR WITH THEM:

Parents . . . do you ever get the feeling that your teen drives like a bat out of hell whenever you're not in the car with them? If so . . . you're going to want to pay attention.

--There's a product on the market called the Speed Demon . . . which allows you to keep track of how fast your kid is driving in REAL TIME. And if your kid goes over the speed limit, the Speed Demon will send you a text message or an email to let you know.

--So how does this baby work?

--Basically, once installed, the Speed Demon gauges how fast your car is traveling. Then it compares that information against GPS coordinates and detailed street maps . . . to determine if your kid is breaking the speed limit.

--The Speed Demon costs $250 . . . plus a monthly service fee of $15.

(Boston Globe)

WORKERS WHO SURF THE INTERNET FOR FUN WHILE ON THE JOB . . . ARE 9% MORE PRODUCTIVE:

The next time your idiot boss catches you messing around on Facebook or YouTube and gets upset . . . you can throw THIS in their face . . .

--According to a new study from the University of Melbourne in Australia, workers who use the Internet for personal reasons at work are 9% MORE productive . . . than those who don't.

--That's right. MORE productive.

--A guy named Brent Coker led the study. He says, quote, "People need to zone out for a bit to get back their concentration.

--"Short and unobtrusive breaks, such as a quick surf of the Internet, enables the mind to rest itself, leading to a higher total net concentration for a day's work, and as a result, increased productivity."

(--That said, if your boss catches you surfing for smut . . . well . . . you're on your own.)

(Yahoo News)

A STERILE GUY PAID A FRIEND TO GET HIS WIFE PREGNANT . . . BUT AFTER 72 ATTEMPTS, THE FRIEND FOUND OUT HE WAS STERILE TOO:

In general, the Germans are thought to be fairly intelligent. But let's be honest . . . there are exceptions to every rule, and THESE people definitely fit the criteria . . .

--For the past several years, 29-year-old Demetruis Soupolos and his wife, Traute, of Stuttgart, Germany (--in the southern part of the country), have been trying to have a baby. So they were crushed when they learned that Demetruis is STERILE.

--But instead of going to a fertility clinic or adopting like any reasonable person would, Demetruis decided to pay his neighbor . . . a guy named Frank Maus . . . $2,500 to impregnate Traute the "old fashioned way".

--For the next SIX MONTHS, Frank violated Traute's nethers THREE TIMES a week . . . or 72 times overall (--which works out to just under $35 a pop). But Traute still wasn't pregnant. 

--So Frank went to the doctor . . . and it turns out he was shooting blanks too.

--Now, obviously, that's a messed up situation. But the final insult was when Frank . . . armed with the knowledge that he couldn't possibly fetus anyone . . . learned that the two kids he already had with his own wife WEREN'T ACTUALLY HIS.

(Polemic and Paradox)

AND NOW . . . THE MOST SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE PROM DRESS EVER:

Prom season is just around the corner, and I can't help but feel sorry for anyone whose daughter comes home with THIS dress, which has a design over the crotch-region . . . that looks an awful lot like a woman's most intimate of areas. 

(Best Week Ever)

IT'S OFFICIAL: CHICKS DIG FUNNY GUYS:

I don't know about you, but at some point I realized that if I ever wanted to pull chicks . . . I'd better hone my comedic skills. My thinking? Basically, if I could get the girls to laugh, at least they'd know I existed . . . and THAT was something to work with.

--Now, I didn't know it at the time but, apparently, I'd come up with a pretty solid strategy because . . . according to new study from Northumbria University in the UK . . . women think funny men are SMARTER and more HONEST than unfunny men. 

--And, yes, guys . . . that alone can help you get some action.

--A guy named Kristofor McCarty led the study. He says, quote, "The findings provide evidence that women use humor as an indication of a guy's intelligence.

--"Intelligence is a very attractive quality as a clever man should be more able to provide resources for his offspring. But guys, be warned: Not just any gag will do. We discovered the humor must be genuinely funny for the man to be judged as more intelligent."

(Daily Telegraph)

MEN WITH A FULL HEAD OF HAIR ARE FIVE TIMES MORE LIKELY TO GET A DATE . . . THAN BALD GUYS:
Guys . . . if you're losing your hair, then I hate to crush your spirit so early in the morning . . . but I'm going to do it anyway. Are you ready?

--Recently, researchers in Britain wanted to find out how BALDNESS affected a man's ability to pull chicks.

--So they set up two identical profiles on a dating website . . .

--The ONLY difference was that in one of the profile pictures . . . the man had a full head of hair. And in the other . . . he was BALD.

--Anyway, after two months, the profile which featured the guy with a full head of hair had gotten 108 replies from women . . . while the one where he was bald got only 22 replies.

--In other words, guys with a full head of hair are FIVE TIMES more likely to get a date . . . than bald guys. 

(Metro)

(--And now, let me introduce you to 42-year-old Michael Shoemaker of Walkersville, Maryland . . . who was just arrested for threatening to burn down his son's house.)

(--Michael doesn't exactly have a full head of hair but I defy any woman to resist the raw sexuality of what's left of his dazzling mane after seeing this MAGNIFICENT mug shot . . .) 

THE BEST WAY TO PULL CHICKS IN INDIA . . . IS TO HAVE A TOILET...

Americans LOVE to complain. But let's face it . . . compared to the rest of the world, we've got it pretty good. Here's a case in point . . .

--According to recent estimates, more than 660 MILLION people in India . . . or more than HALF of the country's total population . . . don't have a TOILET.

--Overall, the average family in India is more likely to have a TV set . . . than a toilet.

--Anyway, to make sure their daughters always have access to a toilet, a group of mothers in northern India (--in a state called Haryana) have started a campaign called "No Toilet, No Bride".

--The gist of the campaign, as you may have guessed, is that the women REFUSE to let their daughters marry any man . . . who doesn't have a toilet.

--In other words, the BEST way to lock down a hot chick in India . . . is to have a toilet.

--OTHER FACTS ABOUT FECES:

--According to the United Nations, poor water, sanitation and hygiene kill 3.5 MILLION people a year . . . and 1.4 MILLION children die every year of diarrhea.

--Overall, 40% of the world's population . . . or roughly 2.6 BILLION people . . . are without access to a toilet. 

(London Times / Thaindian News)

(Remember Metallica when they were a heavy drinking thrash metal band in 1983?)
JASON NEWSTED HAS CONFIRMED THAT HE WILL PLAY WITH METALLICA AT THEIR ROCK HALL INDUCTION CEREMONY:

Last week, METALLICA guitarist KIRK HAMMETT revealed that (former bassist) JASON NEWSTED would perform with the band at their rock and roll hall of fame induction next Saturday. (--Jason split from the band back in 2001.)

--Jason seems pretty pumped about reuniting with the band . . . but he says he did want to make sure it was cool with Metallica's current bassist, ROBERT TRUJILLO, first.

--He says, quote, "The 'Black Album' band will be back together and mow the (crap) down . . . [but] I wanted everything to be righteous [with Robert], because I feel strongly that they have a powerful touring band that's firing on all cylinders now."

--The man Jason replaced on bass, the late CLIFF BURTON, will also be inducted. But (original bassist) RON MCGOVNEY and (original guitarist) DAVE MUSTAINE will NOT . . . because they never appeared on an official Metallica album.

(--Cliff was killed in a tour bus accident back in 1986. It happened in Sweden while the band was on a European tour. Cliff's father will be at the induction ceremony . . . along with McGovney. Mustaine was invited . . . but he isn't able to make it.)

--Here's Jason explaining why Dave didn't make the cut: Quote, "I have nothing to do with that. It was decided by the band, and I think it was just a hard-and-fast rule . . .

--". . . anyone who has recorded on any Metallica recordings that have been released to the public as an official release were invited to the induction. So, that's kind of that."

IS IT A MYTH THAT YOUNG GUYS LIKE COUGARS???

Over the past few years, we've heard an awful lot about how SO MANY young guys . . . want to date COUGARS. 

(--If you aren't familiar with the term "cougar", it refers to a woman of a certain age who is "on the prowl", so to speak, for younger guys in their 20s.)

--But according to dating experts, the idea that young guys want to date cougars . . . is a myth.

--For example, an event organizer for a website called EightMinuteDating.com (--link to it here: http://8minutedating.com/) was forced to cancel TWO upcoming cougar-dating events . . . because she couldn't get enough guys to sign up.

--And a spokeswoman for another dating website . . . called PlentyOfFish.com (--link to it here: http://www.plentyoffish.com/) . . . says that of the site's 10 MILLION members, she's never seen a single profile where a man was ONLY interested in dating cougars.

(Boston Globe)

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO PAY A $5 TAX . . . ON PROSTITUTION???

Sexual deviants . . . it's time to chime in. Here's what I want to know: Would you be willing to pay a $5 tax . . . on PROSTITUTION?

--The reason I ask is because yesterday, a state senator from Nevada named Bob Coffin (--a Democrat) proposed a bill which would tax prostitution . . . both legal and illegal (???) . . . at five bucks per session.

(--In case you didn't know, prostitution is LEGAL in rural areas of Nevada . . . and there are currently about 25 legal brothels around the state.)

--A lobbyist for Nevada's Brothel Association responded, quote, "I think it's wonderful. The question is how the hell are we going to collect on all underground activity going on in Vegas and all the deceptive advertising [and] girls to your room that goes on?"

--Coffin says the prostitution tax could bring in an extra $2 MILLION a year in state revenue. And if they could figure out a way to tax the state's illegal compensated dating . . . it could bring in another $50 MILLION.

(Las Vegas Sun / Reno Gazette-Journal)

HALF OF ALL WOMEN WOULD MARRY AN UGLY GUY . . . IF HE WAS RICH:

Yesterday, the Oxygen TV network released a survey which involved more than 2,000 women between the ages of 18 and 34. Here's what they found . . .

--88% of women say they'd happily give up their cell phone, jewelry and makeup . . . in order to keep a friendship. And THREE in FOUR women would shave their head . . . in order to save the life of a stranger. But here's where things start to get ugly . . .

--ONE in FOUR women say they'd rather win "America's Next Top Model" . . . than the Nobel Peace Prize.

--More than ONE in FOUR women admit they'd make a friend OVERWEIGHT FOR LIFE . . . if it meant she'd be thin.

--And HALF of all women say they would marry a man they thought was ugly . . . if he was a multimillionaire.

--A woman named Dr. Jenn Berman led the survey. She says, quote, "This survey proves an interesting dissection of today's woman and how she relates her personal image with what she values in her life.

--"As shown in several results, women today are a complex combination of altruistic and materialistic, vain and insecure, loyal and self-serving. This survey highlights the dichotomy in all of us."

 (Yahoo News)

(--In other words, some women have their heads on straight . . . while others are evil gold-diggers. But you already knew that, didn't you?) 

THERE'S A WEBSITE THAT WILL SAY YOUR PRAYERS FOR YOU??? 

Has your schedule gotten so busy that you just can't find the time . . . to PRAY?

--If so, you're in luck. There's a new website called InformationAgePrayer.com which will actually recite your prayers for you . . . for a fee, of course.

--According to the website, Information Age Prayer is a, quote, "prayer supplement service [meant] to extend and strengthen a subscriber's connection with God . . .

--"[It's] a subscription service utilizing a computer with text-to-speech capability to incant your prayers each day [which] gives you the satisfaction of knowing that your prayers will always be said even if you wake up late, or forget."

--In other words, Information Age Prayer is a website that allows you to outsource your prayer responsibilities. 

--So what sort of prayer packages does Information Age Prayer offer?

--You can buy a month's worth of "The Lord's Prayer" for just $3.95.

--You can get up to FIVE "Get Well" prayers a day . . . for just $9.95 a month.

--"Hail Mary" prayers come on the cheap at just SEVEN CENTS apiece.

--A prayer for world peace will cost you $3.95 a month . . . and you can buy a prayer for your children for just $1.99 a month.

--And . . . for Muslims who like to sleep in . . . Information Age Prayer will point their speakers toward Mecca and recite your morning "Fajr" prayer . . . for just $3.95 a month.

--There's only one problem with all this: You don't actually get to hear the prayers you select the site to "say" for you . . . you just have to trust that they'll do it for you each day . . . after you pay them.

--The website's terms of service says, quote, "Your privacy is protected, all prayers are not audible outside of the Information Age Prayer location."

--Sounds kind of shady, right? Don't worry. In the middle of this crappy economic downturn, I'm sure no one would dream of shamelessly taking advantage of your well-intentioned religious convictions, just to make a profit. 

A TRANSSEXUAL IN SPAIN IS ABOUT TO BECOME THE FIRST "MAN" TO GIVE BIRTH TO TWINS:
(Ruben Coronado (left) and his lover)

Remember last year when Thomas Beatie . . . better known as the "pregnant man" . . . became the first "guy" to give birth?

--Well now, a transsexual from Spain . . . 25-year-old Ruben Coronado . . . is making headlines by becoming the first "man" to become pregnant with TWINS.

--A few months ago, Ruben . . . who was born Estefania and still has female genitalia . . . learned his partner, 43-year-old Esperanza Ruiz, couldn't have children.

--So Ruben temporarily put his sex-change process on hold and underwent fertility treatments, which . . . apparently . . . worked.

--The babies are due in September, and Ruben says that after giving birth, he'll complete his sex-change procedure . . . and will assume the role of the babies' father.

(New York Daily News / Daily Telegraph)

(Michelle Owen)
A WOMAN SAID HER BOYFRIEND USED HER LAPTOP FOR CHILD PORNOGRAPHY . . . BUT COPS FOUND VIDEO OF HER HAVING SEX WITH A DOG??? UGH!

Some people are perverts. Some people are morons. And then there are some unfortunate souls who are BOTH. Like 24-year-old Michelle Owen of Whiteland, Indiana (--just south of Indianapolis).

--Last week, Michelle became concerned that her unidentified ex-boyfriend had been using her laptop computer . . . to surf for child pornography. So she turned the computer over to the police to have them look for any evidence of wrongdoing.

--But instead of finding what Michelle was hoping they'd uncover, the cops found two videos in the laptop's recycle bin . . . of MICHELLE ENGAGED IN A SEX ACT WITH HER BEAGLE, TOBY . . . which involved PEANUT BUTTER. (!!!) And listen to this . . .

--After the police found the bestiality videos, they asked Michelle if she wanted to withdraw her consent to search the laptop.

--But Michelle said NO because the videos were, quote, "just something she did when she was drunk and [she] barely remembers it" . . . and she still wanted to know if her ex had used her computer to do anything illegal.

--Michelle has been charged with two counts of felony bestiality. If she's convicted, she could get up to SIX YEARS in prison. 

(Smoking Gun / MyFox - Dallas - Fort Worth)

IDIOT JURY MEMBERS HAVE BEEN SCREWING UP TRIALS BY POSTING TWITTER AND FACEBOOK UPDATES . . . ABOUT COURT CASES:

For some reason, people just love posting status updates on social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter . . . and that's fine. But THIS is not . . .

--According to a trial attorney from Milwaukee named Anne Reed, quote, "Dozens of [jury members] a day are sending [Twitter] or Facebook updates from courthouses all over America." So why is that such a big deal?

#1.) Last week, a federal judge in Florida declared a mistrial in an eight-week drug trial . . . after he learned at least NINE jury members had done research about the case online.

#2.) Last week, a building materials company in Arkansas appealed a $12.6 MILLION verdict against them . . . after learning a juror named Johnathan Powell was posting Twitter messages . . . or "tweets" . . . about the case while the trial was still ongoing.

#3.) On Monday, a former Pennsylvania senator . . . named Vincent Fumo . . . was convicted of 137 counts of federal corruption.

--But now that conviction is in jeopardy because on Friday, an idiot jury member . . . 35-year-old Eric Wuest . . . posted a Facebook update about the case which read, quote, "Stay tuned for a big announcement on Monday everyone!" 

(Orlando Sentinel)

(BUSTED)
A PEEPING TOM ACCIDENTALLY PHOTOGRAPHED HIMSELF WHILE INSTALLING A SPY CAMERA IN A STARBUCKS BATHROOM:

Now it's time to hand out our "Idiot Criminal of the Day" award . . . to 50-year-old Jonathan Kennedy of New Paltz, New York (--about 75 miles north of New York City).

--Last week, Jonathan hid a spy camera in the unisex bathroom of his local Starbucks.

--But while he was installing it, Jonathan accidentally took a photo of his face . . . and the picture was still stored on the spy camera when a Starbucks employee found it and turned it over to the police.

--Yesterday, Jonathan was arrested and charged with one count of felony unlawful surveillance.

--If he's convicted, he could get up to FOUR YEARS in prison.


(Idiots Mugshot)

(Daily Freeman)

James Brewer
A GUY CONFESSED TO A MURDER ON HIS DEATHBED, BUT HE ENDED UP LIVING . . . SO NOW HE'S BEEN ARRESTED:

Last week, 58-year-old James Brewer of Shawnee, Oklahoma (--about 25 miles east of Oklahoma City), suffered a massive stroke and . . . while in the hospital . . . became convinced he was going to die.

--So to "cleanse his soul" before passing, James decided to admit his deepest, darkest secret:

--That in 1977, he SHOT AND KILLED a man named Jimmy Carroll . . . who he thought was sleeping with his wife, Dorothy. But listen to this . . .

--James DIDN'T DIE. (!!!)

--Instead, he lived, and was arrested and turned over to authorities in Tennessee . . . where the murder occurred.

--James is being held without bail. He's due in court on March 30th.

(Oklahoman)

WATCH BROOKE HOGAN POLE-DANCE WHILE HER PROUD DAD WATCHES:

BROOKE HOGAN was "performing" at some festival in Miami. Brooke decided to give the audience more than just her golden voice . . . by hitting the STRIPPER POLE. Oh, and her dad, HULK HOGAN, was in the audience.

--He didn't seem to mind, though. He was busy making out with that girlfriend of his who looks eerily like Brooke.

--There's VIDEO of Brooke going all HO, and Hulk sucking face with her look-alike. The audio is horrible, but all you really need are the visuals. 

--Check it out--

THERE'S A 21-YEAR-OLD GUY IN ENGLAND WITH DOWN'S SYNDROME WHOSE MOM IS TRYING TO GET HIM LAID:  


Otto Baxter is a 21-year-old virgin from Abingdon, England (--about 75 miles northwest of London). He also has Down's syndrome. His mother, 50-year-old Lucy Baxter, wants Otto to experience LOVE, SEX and even FATHERHOOD. So she's trying to get him laid.

--Lucy says, quote, "Why should people [with Down's syndrome] be kept separate and pigeon-holed when they have the same emotions, desires and feelings as so-called normal people?

--"If [Otto] doesn't get a girlfriend, I will feel really bad, because I have sold him this thing that he is like everybody else. That's why I'm working overtime to get this sorted for him.

--"I would have no problem paying for Otto to go to Amsterdam to visit a brothel if that's what he wanted . . . I would also love it if Otto got a girlfriend pregnant. It's another experience everyone else goes through, so why not him?"

--So you know, Otto says he truly does want a girlfriend . . . and Lucy isn't forcing him into anything he's not comfortable with. He's even made out with a couple girls . . . but he hasn't been able to seal the deal yet. 

(Daily Mail) 

BOB BARKER COULD HAVE BEEN A PORNO STAR!!!

The phrase "Come on down" could have had an entirely different meaning . . . if BOB BARKER had become a PORNO STUD instead of the host of "The Price Is Right". And apparently, there once was an offer on the table.

--In his upcoming autobiography, "Priceless Memories", Bob says he was a quote-unquote "buff photography model" in Palm Beach when he was younger.

--Nothing salacious or titillating, mind you. Some of his pictures ended up in advertisements.

--One photographer saw one of those pics, and offered to give Bob his start in porno flicks. Bob turned him down and . . . as everybody knows . . . went on to land the gig hosting "The Price Is Right".

--Elsewhere in the book, Bob reveals that he learned karate from CHUCK NORRIS and his brother Aaron. And after one particular sparring session with the Norris boys, he walked away with four cracked ribs.

(--"Priceless Memories" hits bookshelves on April 6th.)

A WOMAN TRIED TO FORCIBLY IMPREGNATE HER LESBIAN LOVER . . . WITH A TURKEY BASTER: